Studios suck
by Topthatgear
Summary: A Top Gear One-shot I wrote some time ago. James May x Richard Hammond. James and Richard have a little talk one boring day, and gay shenanigans ensue.


**Studios suck**

Richard nudged the back door closed as he left the studio. It was breezy, but it didn't bother him. His hair was even messier than usual anyway, but at least it suited him. Leaning against the brick wall by the door, he lit a cigarette and relaxed a bit. The chaos of the studio was getting too much, and he desperately needed a break. It wasn't exactly easy filming all day, especially with Jeremy messing around and making fairly inappropriate jokes every now and then. However today seemed a little more hectic than usual. James lost a sock, Jeremy's oh so amazing hair wouldn't fall right, and Richard, he was just excited. The moment Jeremy told him that they were getting a Zonda R, Richard was more than happy. When he was told he was getting to drive it, that was when the childish giggles kicked in. it wasn't unlike him getting all worked up over one of his favourite cars, in fact, Jeremy probably ordered it on purpose just to see Richard acting like a child.

At this moment in time, Richard was just waiting.

The car was there, the track was there, the cameras and mics were almost there, but Richard wasn't. Although he wanted to drive it, drive it fast and like a maniac, he had other things on his mind. With a sigh, he flicked some ash away and took another draw of his cigarette. What was bothering him was the fact that he was immensely bored. His life was fairly perfect, a family, great friends, cars, but there was just that one feeling of mass boredom. Every day seemed the same.

Sure, fast cars and crazy outings with Jeremy and James were fun, but there was no real adrenaline fuelled excitement anymore.

Nonetheless, he flicked his cigarette to the pavement and returned back into the studio, where James was furiously clicking a pen, staring at a pile of lined paper.

"And you're doing that because…?" Richard waited for a reply, but got an odd sarcastic smirk in return.

"There's nothing to bloody do in here, so I was going to doodle but then I forgot I can't draw to save myself." James pushed his long hair away from his face, still looking a bit like a spaniel. Richard nodded, remembering their previous bored moments. The times they had been drunk and ended up scribbling and drawing each other.

"Ah. True. I'm pretty stuck too, I was actually about to cover Jeremy's desk in post-it notes, but it seems more fun here," the two sat next to each other around the pile of paper at James' desk. "Where is the bastard anyway?"

James shrugged, scribbling a stick man with a massive dick.

They both snickered, not really caring if they were being immature. Richard took out his pen and wrote his name next to the picture, with a little arrow pointing at the stick man.

"Yeah, you wish," James laughed, scoring out the name and writing his own.

"I'll have you know I don't wish, actually!" Richard scored out James' name and wrote his own again, smirking at James.

"That's a lie and you know it! I bet that even bloody Jeremy's is bigger than yours," James smiled, scoring Richard out and writing Jeremy's name instead.

"Well someone's got a crush on Jezzah…" Richard muttered under his breath just loud enough for James to hear. He looked up at James, who was pulling the best impression of 'oh my god cat' ever. James shuddered and crumpled the drawing up, tossing it into the waste paper basket.

"So, you're completely straight, Even though you draw stick people with massive dicks?" Richard snickered, shaking his head. James face went almost completely scarlet. "So that's why you don't talk about your 'Girlfriend'…"

James stayed silent, with a massive blush across his face, he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

"Oh god… you are, aren't you…?"

There was an awkward, regretful silence. Richard wished he hadn't said anything.

"You dare say anything and I swear I will kill you,"

"I-it's okay, I won't. Damn… sorry…"

James raised an eyebrow, questioning Richards's reaction. It was definitely a shock for him, but he wasn't acting weird about it.

"Does anyone else know about this?" Richard whispered, making sure that no one else was within hearing distance.

James shook his head, trying to avoid eye contact at all cost. Richard leaned back, trying to make sense of everything he'd just found out.

Maybe life was getting interesting after all.

"So, do you… like… have a boyfriend or something?"

"I'm a bit old for boyfriends, Hamster," James smiled, furiously clicking his pen again. "But I guess I'll find someone one day,"

Richard smiled back at him; for once they were having a reasonable conversation.

"Hamster! Car's ready!" Jeremy popped his head around the back door, a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

"Right…"

Richard really enjoyed driving the Zonda around at high speeds; he was starting to remember why he loved the car so much. Once the filming and the driving tests were done, Richard wandered into the studio, finding it surprisingly empty, the odd camera man and car enthusiast , but Jeremy and James didn't seem to be there. It seemed odd; the two were always arguing, watching things on YouTube or planning what cars to order next. Richard took this rare quiet occasion to look over some car reviews and update Facebook.

"Oi, Hamster, seen Jezzah?"

Silence and peace spoiled.

"No surprisingly, I thought the two of you were off."

James took a seat and sat next to him, looking at all the paper on Richard's desk.

"Hammond, you seriously work too hard." James picked up a file on the new Zonda R. "So this is the thing you've been so worked up about, looks rubbish to me,"

Richard scowled at him, Zonda's weren't rubbish.

"Oh yeah? What's so rubbish about it then?"

"Well, for one, it's got no tire tread and it breaks the noise limit for most tracks, it's practically useless."

James had made a pretty fair point, to actually use it, you needed your own track.

"Sod it; I'll prove to you it's not rubbish."

Richard grabbed James' sleeve and pulled him out onto the test track, the Zonda was parked where Richard had left it.

"It's a bit small,"

"Stop talking about your dick."

"Shut it Hammond,"

It was starting to get dark, but it didn't bother them. Richard and James managed to cram themselves into the car with room to spare,

"Thank god you're so small."

"Stop talking about dicks, James"

"You're a dirty minded pervert, y'know that?"

"I know"

The dirty minded pervert let the engine roar for a bit, before finally driving of at a pretty fast speed.

"So, how fast is this?" James was having to shout a bit due to the loudness of the engine. No wonder they weren't exactly legal.

"Over 200mph anyway, don't think there's a record."

James nodded, quite surprised by the 'rubbish' car.

They finally stopped, their hair a complete mess.

"Hmm, guess it's not rubbish after all," James shrugged, pulling his coat tightly around him. "Bloody freezing in here though,"

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing,"

By now they could see their own breath; the sky was now completely black, other than the few grey clouds.

Richard attempted to find the switch for the heater, but as he expected, there wasn't one.

"damn, that's rubbish though," coming from Hamster, that was weird.

He leaned back into the seat, staring out into the darkness, while James just watched him. There was an awkward silence.

"So, got a crush on anyone…?" Richard smiled; he didn't seem to like silences. James would have preferred the silence than such a difficult question.

"Uhh… no, actually,"

Richard laughed, and tapped on the steering wheel. "There's got to be someone you want, everyone's got someone."

James sighed; the thoughts in his head were 'it's now or never'.

"It's you, Richard."

Hammond blushed slightly, not exactly sure if he'd heard correctly.

He turned to face James, he could tell he was serious. Most of James' face was blocked by his hair, anything visible was darkened by lack of light. It was almost completely silent other than shallow breaths. James sighed and moved away from him slightly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you,"

"Don't be,"

Richard leaned over and kissed him, placing a hand on his lap for balance, before pulling away completely flustered.

"S-sorry I shouldn't have done that-"

Before Richard could say anything else, James had pulled him towards him and kissed him harder, wrapping his arm around his waist.

After a few moments the two broke apart, panting slightly.

The windows had fogged up, and it was impossible to see outside.

"Oh god I hope no one saw that," Richard was in one of his paranoid modes, with a good reason though.

"Wouldn't have, windows are all frosty,"

"Hmm, fair enough,"

James leaned over him, almost on top of him, and kissed him entangling a hand in his messy hair.

A mixture of fear and adrenaline came over Richard. He was enjoying the whole thing; it felt different, like the missing gap in his life had been this all along. It felt right.

Richard pulled James completely on top of him, he felt the gear stick pressing into his back, but he ignored the slight pain and continued unfastening James' belt. James paused the kiss and looked down at the other with a look of concern.

"You don't have to do this, I'm not forcing you into this,"

"I want this just as much as you do,"

James smirked, flicking his tongue against the others lips.

Richard flicked his tongue back, giving James entry. James' belt was now carelessly tossed aside, and Richard was working at the zip of the others jeans. James was following, quickly undoing Richards jeans and pulling them down.

"Hmmm, so you weren't lying when you wrote your name earlier," James smirked, pulling out of the kiss. Hammond looked at him, puzzled for a few seconds, until remembering the drawing.

"Oh, right,"

James laughed, wrapping a hand around Richards dick, before licking along the edge. Richard wasn't expecting any of this.

"G-ahh… James…" Richard started panting, becoming shaky.

"Don't freak out on me, I'm not done yet," James breathed, before somehow managing to take Richard completely in his mouth. Hammond moaned under his breath, much to James' liking.

"Oh god… James… don't stop…"

James paused and looked up.

"I wasn't going to." he managed to say, although slightly muffled,

"James!"

May lowered and started up again, wrapping his tongue around the tip.

This time he received more of a scream than a moan, and in a matter of seconds he felt the warm fluid flow down the back of his throat.

Richard panted, not really wanting to move.

James placed a hand on his cheek, and kissed him, before obtaining his belt and putting it back on. He didn't like taking, it felt too awkward. Richard watched, steadying his breath again.

"James," Hammond sat up, relieving the pain in his back.

"Yeah?"

"I broke the gear stick"

"Only you, Richard, only you…"

Richard laughed, trying to stick it back together. It failed.

"We should be getting back, they'll think we've been kidnapped," James joked, sitting back upright. Richard nodded, turning the engine back on.

"Oh, and James,"

"Hmm?"

"I think I love you,"

"Well I love you, Richard,"

The Next day was awkward, immensely awkward. Richard walked into the studio, scarf almost strangling him, where Jeremy was fiddling with his computer. The look in his eyes told Richard he was pretty stressed out. Richard leaned against Jeremy's desk, unravelling his scarf.

"How the hell did you manage to break the bloody gear stick?"

Ah, so he knew about that. Richard blushed, trying to think of a reasonable excuse that didn't involve James.

"I sat on it," That sounded horrible, he would have preferred something else.

"…you sat on it…?"

"Yup,"

Jeremy gave him an odd smirk, tilting his head to the side. "…On purpose…?"

"…NO!"

Jeremy laughed, closing some computer windows down. At this point, James walked in, and by the looks of it, he'd been caught in the rain. His hair was completely soaked, making it look as if the spaniel had been drowned.

"Bloody rain…"

Richard gulped; he hadn't seen James since the night before.

Jeremy smiled at them, before getting up and grabbing his coat.

"I need a fag, back in a minute," he sighed, rummaging in his pockets before leaving out the back door. Now the room was empty, other than James and Richard.

"So…" James coughed, trying to fix his hair. They weren't used to such a difficult silence. Richard smiled, but tried to avoid eye contact.

"James, what I said last night, I was serious."

The spaniel laughed, before smirking at Hammond.

"I know that,"

James hugged him, dripping rain over the others face. There was a dead silence, other than the sound of rain and wind from outside. James lifted a hand, stroking Richards's hair before kissing him. The other quickly kissed back before pulling away.

"Jezzah'll be back any minute…"

"Ah, sorry."

"Its fine, I just don't want to get us caught…"

James nodded before taking his coat of and throwing it over onto his desk. Unsuccessfully as it slid off and landed of the floor.

"Aagh… I'm off for a shower anyway; I'm not letting my hair turn me into a poodle."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

James smirked, and then headed towards the bathroom. Half way he stopped, pulled back by Richard grabbing his arm. It knocked him off balance slightly.

"But I have another idea."

He turned to face Richard, who had a daring sparkle in his eyes.

"Hmm?"

Richard pulled him into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. James looked at him, a confused look on his face. It wasn't like Richard to be so forceful, or be dominant at all. It seemed Richard had an aggressive side after all. James leaned against the wall by the door, patiently waiting For Richard to explain what he was doing. Richard smirked pulling James towards him into a forceful kiss. James kissed back, Pulling the other Closer, Although Richard was shorter, he seemed alot stronger than James. Hammond broke the kiss, hands entangled in James hair.

"Fuck with me, right here, right now," Richard growled, a pleading look in his eyes. Richard pulled a hand From James' hair, using it to turn the shower on behind him. At first, James couldn't think of anything to say. What was there to say anyway? James then smiled, closing the gap between them with another kiss. They both heard the back door closing from outside of the bathroom, assuming that Jeremy had returned. The two looked at each other, with a look that said 'keep noise to a minimum', so they continued undressing each other. By now, they were completely unclothed, arms wrapped around each other as they kissed. There was a strong knock on the door Jeremy? James looked worryingly at Richard, who shrugged.

"Anyone in? Need a piss," It was just one of then Cameramen. Richard and James both let out a silent sigh of relief.

"I'm in the shower, wont be long," James yelled, taking Hammonds wrist and pulling him into the shower with him.

The water wasn't exactly warm; it was on the edge of cold and freezing. The two kept close while they waited on the water heating up a bit. As always, there was an awkward silence, which was broken when Richard squeaked.

"Shh, you'll get us caught," James whispered, his eyes were focused on the door, as if it was going to magically unlock itself any second.

"Sorry, almost fell over." Richard muttered, managing to stand upright again.

"Why is Richard in there with you?"

This time Jeremy was at the door, giggling to himself. James sighed, while Richard had a silent laughing fit. James glared at him, obviously struggling to think of an excuse.

"Ehh… he's using tooth whitener again!"

He could hear Jeremy laughing on the other side of the door, but it didn't really sound like a convinced laugh.

"… And another thing, next time you're going to fuck someone in the shower, make sure all the mics' and cameras are off in the office, you idiots."


End file.
